Pea-leeze: Top Chef DC

Despite the fact that I think cooking is best left to my friends at Sultan‘s Market and Trader Joe’s, I love some Top Chef! But this season is kinda losing me. I’m into the DC idea (Hail to the Chef = awesome), but totally bracing myself for the inevitable, painfully lame crossover with The Real Housewives of DC.

My biggest problem with this season can be explained by taking a look at this week’s episode in which Alex allegedly steals a pea puree from Ed and goes on to win the challenge. In the episode all of the chefs are talking about this constantly but no one does anything. And, as Tom points out on his blog, Ed never directly accuses Alex. Fine. But isn’t this a reality TV show? Our blogging judge goes on to write that we will never know what happened. Why not? Aren’t there cameras all over the place? Can’t someone go back and check the footage? If we can’t count on a reality show to capture what actually happens—especially when it’s a contest-based show and the winner may have cheated—why bother?

Also, one of the things I have historically liked about Top Chef is that the show usually steers clear of showing us too much of life in the house—we’re left to judge people on how they behave in the kitchen. So, I hate that there’s all this speculation about Tiffani and Ed. 1. Who cares? 2. If there was proof, I bet we’d see it. Sex is more interesting than peas and they were all over it a few seasons back with Leah and Hosea.

And finally, is it me or  is Padma extra bitchy this year? During the elimination as Andrea was saying goodbye I swear Padma said something like, “Okay, that’s enough. Goodbye.”Simply not nice.

What the L?

Any Real L Word watchers out there? I have been dying to see this show, but due to cost-cutting, I no longer have Showtime. Are these ladies a worthy investment or just a poor girl’s Shane?

And speaking of Shane, how about Katherine Moenning as Lisbeth Salander in the American version of The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo?

Right?!

……..In the immortal words of Brandon De Wilde (and what an awesome drag king name that would be), “Shane! come back!”

My Summer Home

Oh Big Brother – I don’t know what your secret formula is, but you suck me in every single summer. I forget about you completely once you’re over, but the second that first commercial is aired in late-May, I can’t wait for you to start.

Now, having watched all 11 previous seasons I know what’s in store: stock characters, stock dialogue, challenges that must have been designed by either a super-genius or a ten-year-old (and possibly both), the Chenbot. And yet, I eagerly await the first episode that always begins with a mad dash for a bed, and then all 3 (3!) hours a week of the set em up, knock em down formula that is the Head of Household competition, Nomination ceremony, Veto competition, Eviction cycle.

This year I’ve been rewarded for my faithfulness with a cast that includes a screeching chemist, a deranged local sheriff, Big Brother’s version of Jersey Shore-dom, more breasts than you can shake a stick at, and all of the oh-so-pretty men who seem to be lining up to shake their own sticks at those breasts. This season we’re being treated to not one, but two, showmances and the show has been on for just over 2 weeks. My guess is the BB pixelation budget is going to be busted before the summer is half over, though the houseguests seem to have mastered the use of blankets, finally.

And could it be true? Has motherhood loosened up the Chetbot? Gone is the stick figure and even tinier outfits – not only does she look fabulous but she seems to have found a personality. May the same hold true for my favorite cardboard cut-out of a show.

The men talk. No one cares. Oh look! Gymnastics!

So after I wasted two hours of my life on The Bachelorette: The Men Tell All, my Monday got WAY better. Briefly, regarding the Tell All: We get a sneak preview of Ali’s yellow wedding—okay, proposal—dress and nothing else happens. For two hours.

Then things improved. For me anyway, I feel like Ali is pretty screwed.

You may not know the names Mattie Larson or Alicia Sacramone—but I do. Women’s gymnastics is absolutely, hands down the best reality TV there is and, tonight, I was lucky enough to catch the Cover Girl Classic.

Every four years most people tune into the Olympics and notice one girl who was on the team before. But because I am an off-season fan, I know how the alternates missed their big chances and who the young stars are. I notice that the leggy girl from Romania finally lost the big bangs. I’m pulling for the college gymnast trying to make it on the big stage (this year it’s the likable Vanessa Zamarripa of UCLA who killed it at the NCAA championship this year—which I also watched).

Despite the lameness of tonight’s blah fest over on ABC,  I am super excited about getting together with the other smart ladies for the season finale of The Bachelorette (not to mention watching the total disaster that will be The Bachelor Pad), but what I am really looking forward to is the Visa Championships coming up August 11-14.

Tim Daggett, the Chris Harrison of USA Gymnastics, and I will see you there.

Back from the Dead

Oh come ON!  Grey’s Anatomy finally killed off that wretched character and now she shows up on Mad Men?

Sunglasses Scandal

Did you know that designer sunglasses are not more effective at blocking the sun than the shades you can pick up at Walgreen’s?  I know!  I am as shocked as you are.   But thanks to Matt Lauer’s hard-hitting investigation this morning, I now know that the extra cash for designer sunglasses mainly pays for the lovely design and a logo.  Let’s all take a moment to breathe. This news changes everything.

Wednesday With Jillian

Last night I on demanded the finale of Losing It With Jillian in which Jillian stays in an RV parked in a Miami driveway and scares a fat family with help from a doctor with a magic photo machine that shows what their chunky, pre-diabetic 9-year-old will look like by high school.

There are a couple of points to make here. First: the RV seemed to be there explicitly for late night doughnut runs. WTF? Second: (And I feel appropriately heel-like for wondering) When we saw the “this is what he will look like at 15” photo, why were the boy’s already well-developed man boobs the only thing that didn’t get bigger?

I always enjoy the therapy sessions built into the workouts and this week didn’t disappoint. What we learned is that this family sucks and it’s totally dad’s fault—but wait, mom needs to use her voice! They are both to blame. Cut to the family dragging a boat, weighed down by the 300+ lb. dad, down the beach as mom yells encouraging things. This is how we know that all will be fine for these guys.

I also sorta wondered why the daughter was totally off the hook. She wasn’t super heavy or anything, but it was supposed to be a family affair. My hope—and this would be giving NBC a lot of credit that it probably doesn’t deserve—is that someone recognized she’s at a tough age for ladies and didn’t want to send her down the road to anorexia. Or maybe they are just saving her story for next year’s summer smash: Teens Losing It With Jillian.

Overall, I think these shows do more good than harm. I can’t say for sure if it’s the touching stories of lives transformed (despite my best efforts I cry at least once during Biggest Loser and Losing It. This week it was the kid starting a program in his school to fight obesity that pushed me over the edge) or the fact that she is all kinds of hot, but if Jillian’s selling, I’m buying.

We’re not dumb, we just act that way on Mondays.

Welcome to Smart Ladies, Bad TV!

We are a collective of intelligent women who watch totally stupid programs (or “stories”). And while we may not believe that a stint on a reality TV show is the way to true love, we don’t watch ironically. We love this shit. We especially love Dancing with the Stars and the Bachelor franchise. From now on, all of the Bachelor-related shows will simply be referred to as The Bach. But on second thought, The Bachelor Pad has to be called the Pad…. Anyway, if you’re reading this, you’ll probably know which one we’re talking about.

We have had some unproven theories (and great spin-off ideas) over the years (though we could have done without the Jake DWTS/Bach crossover): Jason was actually supposed to be on a TLC/ABC crossover show called Little Bachelor (and did anyone else forget that he and Molly got married?).  Bret Michaels will be the next Bachelor—building on the lame ass “On the Wings of Love” season, The Smart Ladies present “Every Rose Has Its Thorn.”

So, after much wine and many vegetarian entrees (aka: sea salt brownies from trader Joe’s), we thought, why keep these nuggets to ourselves? With that, we bring you this blog—just in time for the most dramatic season finale EVER!